i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
