3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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