OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
