two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Randomize
