On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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