Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
