i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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