This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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