It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
