i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
