Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
