You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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