So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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