booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
