Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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