I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
