Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
