I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
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You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
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