I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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