If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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