"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
