no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
