Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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