he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
