yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
