I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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