Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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