when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
