If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
