I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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