Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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