you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
