what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
