Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
