I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
