Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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