make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
