Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
