So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Terrible idea I love it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize