Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
