between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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