R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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