Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
