you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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