Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
