That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
