It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
