I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
