Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
