i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
