how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
