Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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