pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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