dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
