Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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