she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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