all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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