I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
