im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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