I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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