First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
