I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize