Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
