at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
