people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
