i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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