I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
